I’m informed by a plethora of jubilant posts on my Facebook feed that today is “National Coming Out Day.” I’m less than enthused.
According to Wikipedia, National Coming Out Day is “an internationally observed civil awareness day celebrating individuals who publicly identify as bisexual, gay, lesbian, transgender—coming out regarding one's sexual orientation and/or gender identity being akin to a cultural rite of passage for LGBT people.”
I wish someone would explain to me why this is something to celebrate. The fact that LGBT people have to “come out” at all is a testament to how far we still have to go in achieving equality and acceptance.
I certainly recognize the importance “coming out” can have, but part of the reason this event can be so significant in a person’s life is because of the ignorance and bigotry that’s still prevalent, and the strength it takes to overcome that and take pride in one’s identity. Straight people never have to “come out” because their sexuality is considered the “default.”
This is a problem, not cause for a national day of celebration.
I’ve never “come out” as gay or bisexual, and I’m thankful that I’ve never felt the need to. But just because I’ve never “come out,” why would anyone assume that I’m straight? Of course, people do. They see me in a relationship with a man and make all kinds of assumptions. They assume he’s my only partner. They assume that being with a man means I’m not attracted to women, or to hermaphrodites, or to ghosts or wizards.
Even in the few social circles where “straight” is not necessarily the default, monogamy and monosexuality still tend to be assumed.
This is stupid. Why make any assumptions about someone’s sexuality until that person chooses to tell you about it? You probably think that guy sitting in the cubicle next to you is straight, with a wife and kids at home. For all you know, he could be sexually attracted to lizards. If he hasn’t mentioned it, it’s probably none of your business. If he chooses to, it’ll probably make the work day a little more interesting.
My point is that if people didn’t assume everyone was straight until proven otherwise, no one would actually have to “come out.” People -- whether straight, gay, bi, trans, or other -- could merely decide to talk about their sexuality if and when they feel like it, without it being some big revelation. If there’s ever a national day to celebrate something like that, I’ll muster up some excitement.
I also have problems with people making assumptions about someone's sexuality, usually based on appearance, mannerisms, etc. It also bothers me that people feel the great need to label others sexually, when it is really none of their business, and when a person's sexuality may be much more complicated than even the people's small minds could imagine.
ReplyDeleteExactly. That's an aspect that I didn't address, but there are huge problems with people assuming someone's sexuality based on their mannerisms or appearance. I've been guilty of it - it's hard not to speculate sometimes - but quite often those assumptions are wrong. A lot of it ties into sexism and the expectations of "staight" masculinity. There are also a lot of assumptions about the correlation between what you look like, or even your gender identity, and whom you're attracted to. People assume, for example, that a woman who seems "masculine" must be attracted to women.
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